Autistic and Overthinking – A Minute In The Life

6.30am

ALEXA! Alarm off.

Ok, here he comes. Robert Nesta Marley. Man, I love him, although with that middle name I really wish his surname was ‘Tables.’ Good to start the day with a happy, positive tune. Ok Bob, I’ll try not to worry about a thing. Good to know that every little thing’s going to be alright. Is it though? Hey, I woke up, that’s a pretty good start. Ok so we’re handing out kudos for performing natural bodily functions now are we? I’m going to be needing a piss in a minute. Am I getting a fucking medal for that too? Right breathe. Remember the old me? Didn’t drink again last night did you? Slept properly. No sitting up drunk at 3am saying hello to people on Messenger! Jesus, why bring that up? Breathe. What’s the weather like? Alexa just told me. Memory like a sieve. It’s 7 degrees and rainy. This is Wales, did I really need Alexa to tell me that? I’m not leaving the house today so what difference does it make? Wait. Is it Saturday? No. Tuesday. Nice try genius. Hey, work’s alright. And it’s only about 10 yards away! Lovely people too. Most of them anyway. Ian, Brian, Mike, Ivanna, Nia, Glenys, all wonderful and just a couple of clicks away. Who else? Kenny G! I wish our Ken played the saxophone. Or was it a clarinet? I can’t remember. Still can’t believe he’s Geraint’s cousin. Why? They’re both sound and come from the same town. I should be more surprised that more of us aren’t related. I am half Davies after all. Wow! Thinking about Geraint and now Grandad already. That didn’t take long. Yep, still miss them. Breathe. Ok Bob, what have you got for me? Rise up this morning and smile at the rising sun. Didn’t spend much time in West Wales did you Bobert? And if there are three little birds upon my doorstep they’re not singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true. They’ve been mauled and left to die by the neighbour’s cat.

🎵 “So I’ll worry, about everything, Cause every little thing, is a piece of shit (do do do dooo do do), Lie here this morning, Curse at the blackening clouds, Three little birds sat on my doorstep, Singing no songs, They’ve been mauled by the neighbour’s cat, Singing, This is my message to you-hoo-hoo”🎵

ALEXA! Music Off!

Shit! Now I need a new tune for tomorrow. Ok breathe. Where’s my phone? Oh right, I leave it in the other room now. Why is that again? Straight on it first thing is no good and you won’t get up. Not missing anything am I? Twitter? Guessing the planet’s still warming up, the Tories and that guy at work are still using public money to help their friends and family, the police are still a bunch of racists and Piers Morgan is still a wanker. Dog videos though. Come on. Aah dogs. The greatest creatures on Earth. Rescue dog? Would it solve everything? Probably not. Nice to have one round the house though. Jesus, I can barely look after myself. Hasn’t the poor bastard suffered enough? Don’t decide now. Just woken up. Should I exercise today? Fat, so yes! Don’t want to. No motivation. To look and feel better? For who? 48, single and barely ever see friends, never mind actually go out and socialise. And you know what happens when you do. Get panicky, scared, paranoid, so you drink quickly and heavily and make a twat of yourself. No more of that shit. Things have been fine since I ditched the wine. Bit of poetry there. Can’t go back now. No more falling over, no more stupid o’clock messages to Facebook friends. Should I apologise to them? That’s right, send a DM to someone to apologise for the first DM, idiot. But they probably think I’m a right weirdo. I was sad, drunk, lonely, a bit pathetic and completely lost but not a weirdo. Well a bit weird maybe but not one of those creepy ones. Finally having no self esteem is paying off as there are proper weirdos out there that DM with sex chat and photos of their bits. I would never dream of doing either of those things. Maybe not so bad after all. A bit stupid maybe but not bad. Just this once, give yourself some credit for not being a wanker. Ok breathe. What’s going on today? Ok. Kettle, piss, shirt, shorts, make coffee, spare room, 7am work, laptop, emails, coffee, brush teeth, can’t have a minty first coffee, work, exercise, shower, work, second coffee, take vitamins, work, lunch. Ooh what shall I have for lunch? Should I become vegan? What about cheese? Cheddar, Stilton, Brie. Oh my God, Brie! Definitely order Brie on my next shop. What about just veggie then? Bacon dude, bacon. Chicken? Mum’s steak pies? Holy shit. Tofu’s fine but those steak pies are something else. When did I last eat tofu? That vegan restaurant in Notting Hill with Alice? What was it called? The Pharmacy. Man, that place was nice. I love London. I should move there. Maybe I could keep my job now I work from home? Pharmacy. Have I got enough medication? Yes, breathe. What was I thinking about? Can’t have been important. Why must I have been thinking about anything? Because that’s what you do. That’s all you do. Just get up and figure it out from there. Christ, the birds are loud this morning. Apart from those three poor fuckers on my doorstep. Ok, made yourself laugh. Just don’t tell Dad I made a joke about dead birds, next time you see him. He loves birds. Not in a 1970s Benny Hill way. Actual feathered birds. I do too actually, all animals in fact. Apart from flies and big boy spiders. Getting better with them though. Catching them in a pint glass and chucking them out these days. See? You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for. So get up, pay some invoices, cost some roadworks. Fuck’s sake, really? Hey it pays for the house and food and stuff. Think about that when you’re ordering that Brie. Ok deep breath. Hey remember in Worthing when anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t take a deep breath? Scary. Look at you know with a full set of lungs! Feels good. Embrace the little victories.

6.31am

Fuck me, I’m tired.